Day #8648 - What Comes Next

You know how I just wrote here yesterday about how I hadn't gotten a response to my first query yet? It turns out that I almost spoke too soon. This afternoon during my lunch break at work, I checked my email to see a response from the first agent I've ever sent a query to ever.

Dear Monica,
You call this a novel? Do the world a favor and just stop now. Please. 


Okay, so that didn't really happen, but I did get a rejection. It was just a standard form letter. "Dear Author, thanks but no thanks" kind of a feel to it. Very straightforward and polite enough. So I printed it out, it's now taped up on my wall, and then I went on to teach a class of juniors how to do geneaology research.

Seriously. That was it. I just moved on with the rest of my day, and now I'm at home figuring out my weekend plans.

You see, rejection and I go a long way back. It's like how The Book Thief by Markus Zusak is narrated by Death itself - the protagonist may not always be aware of it or like to think about it, but she and Death actually have quite a long and complicated history. And I know rejection very, very well.

Option number one is to take it personally, to cry and be hurt and get the jar of Nutella out of my desk and eat it out with a spoon while I let the self doubts take over because this thing which I care so much about isn't enough in the eyes of this one person. This is the option I would go to a lot when I liked a guy who didn't like me back when I was in high school and college. It's what I did when I auditioned for drum major of the marching band for my senior year of high school and out of four people going for three spots, I was the one who got cut.

Or there's option number two, which is to let it roll off my back and keep moving forward. To say that yes I tried and while it sucks that it didn't work out this time, who says it never will in the future? I just have to keep on trying, keep on writing, and keep on believing that good things come to those who wait. This is the option I go to when things at work make me feel completely defeated. It's my attitude when I go on a fantastic first date, but then never hear back from the guy for a second one.

Rejection isn't pleasant, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world either, and so I'm using this as a learning experience. When you get to the querying stage, you have to remember that you're making a transition from this being a hobby to this thing we do being a business. So I can't take it personally. I'm bummed, of course, but who knows what the future holds for me, right?

Thank you, though, so much to the people who have been continually supportive of me and my writing throughout this journey. To my family and my friends old and new, I couldn't do any of this without you. =)

Now I'm going to listen to this song, then get back to my new manuscript. Sounds like a solid plan, don't you think?

Day #8647 - Progress Report

Well, blog, it's certainly been a while, hasn't it? Just thought I'd take a few minutes here and fill you in on what's been going on with me in the last few weeks since I posted anything here.

No news yet about my query, but I'm not surprised at all. Agents are busy people, sometimes getting a couple hundred queries a week. I just sent mine off at the beginning of the month. These things take time, and like I've said before, I don't have any grandiose ideas about what could be coming my way. On this front, I know that hard work, practice, and many years of dedication must be put in before the payoff, and even that's not guaranteed. But I'm good with that.

In the meantime, I have my new story. To be honest, it could be going better. To be really honest, I haven't been giving it the time it needs. You know I've said before that I thought Meg Cabot's advice to try to write a page a day (it doesn't necessarily have to be a good page, either, just as long as you're writing something) was brilliant and I was doing that? Well while that was true with my first two endeavors in novel writing, this time around I've let that get away from me. Work got a bit crazy there, and I'm now exactly one week away from being done with my master's degree. Since I will no longer have homework to do, that means more time on weekends and in the evenings for me to write.

And let me tell you, I am determined. Even if nothing ever happens with my stories, even if they end up being nothing more than really large files on my computer forever and ever, that's okay. I write because I have stories I need to write. The publishing would just be a really great bonus.

That, dear readers, is really the long and the short of it. Hopefully I'll have a more exciting post coming your way soon, but until then, here's hoping that life is treating you all well.

Day #8623 - Here Goes Nothing...

Just sent a query letter to a literary agent for the first time!!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Day #8621 - Life Under Construction

I believe I am experiencing what the experts like to refer to as a "rebuilding phase" in a variety of areas of my life at the moment, but there's been a special amount movement in my writing life in particular.

For one, look at this blog. I'm playing around with my limited Photoshop skills to make a new banner that I don't hate. This one, while clearly off center and kind of ridiculous, is at least a step in the right direction. Construction is rarely pretty while it's going on, but as with writing, I'm just remembering that when it's all finished, it will be worth it. Trial and error is sometimes exactly what is needed.

But more about the writing life! Words cannot express how grateful I am that I finally seem to have found a critique partner that things will work out with. I wish I could fully express what a big deal it is. Sharing my manuscript with people is a big deal for me, and trying to find someone who can give me honest feedback on my work and allow me to return the favor with theirs is huge. The notes I've gotten have been hugely helpful and have helped me look over my story again with fresh eyes.

It has also boosted my confidence quite a bit. While life often hands us things we weren't expecting and it's easy to get downtrodden, I've decided that enough is enough. I could easily keep playing around with the intricacies of my manuscript for a very very  long time. It's not perfect yet. Even if it does end up published and on bookshelves around the country someday, chances are that it still won't be quite perfect. But I'm finally able to look at it and say that I'm ready to try the next step: querying for an agent.

I know I've been saying that for a while now, but trust me when I say that due to other events that have been taking place in my life as of late, I'm adopting a carpe diem attitude. The worst thing that happens is getting rejection letters, and I've reached a point where I can accept that they can (and, let's be honest, the probably will) come. Because it won't deter me from trying to make this the best story I can. And it won't stop me from working on my next Story Idea (nickname to be determined) and the idea after that and the idea after that. So I'll let you all know here when I dot my i's, cross my t's, and finally send out the incredibly terrifying First Query Letter EVER.

I hope you hang in there with me, readers. Hopefully this will be the start of a very big adventure. =)

Day #8607 - Happy Unniversary

First off, Happy Saint Patrick's Day! My Irish ancestors would be remissed if I didn't start right off the back with that. I'm sporting green and my pale skin with pride today. Corned beef will be coming later.

Anyway, I've actually been looking forward to today for another reason. March 17th in my mind has been a date one year in the making. It was, to me, the date that I could start calling myself a writer because it was the day I started writing in my journal and have written an entry every day since.

Now this was not my first time in my life trying to keep a journal. I have quite a nice collection of carefully selected notebooks that, if all goes to plan, NO ONE WILL EVER READ.

My first ever journal is not among these. It was from junior high and upon reading it a few years later in high school, I was so mortified by my former self that I ripped all the pages out and threw them away. Not to say that some of the thoughts in the ones I've kept are gems either. The earliest on the far left has sporadic entries from my freshman year of high school, then the pink one has random acts of high school and college. Next, the brown one was specifically for my summer studying abroad in Italy. Then the green one, a college graduation gift from my aunt, was one the one that got me in the habit of writing at least once a week again. That is, until March 17, 2011 when I then managed to start writing every single day, even if just a sentence proclaiming that I'm not dead yet.

So today was supposed to be my anniversary and a cause for celebration. Except for one tiny detail.

Upon double checking, I learned it was actually March 7th, not the 17th.  Oops!

Honestly, I'm a little bummed I missed it, but at the same I think it's a good thing that I did. I think it shows that writing has become such a part of me that it goes without saying, that it is as much a part of me as eating and breathing and all those other things we need to do to live. And now I really feel like a writer because I have done A LOT of writing in the past year in a lot of ways and forms, and my only wish is that I'd found this wonderful thing sooner.

In other writing news, I think Summer Project from last year is finally in a position where I'm comfortable with sending out query letters about it to agents and whatnot. So if you happen to be reading this, keep your fingers crossed for me, eh?

So there's a lot to be thinking about on this sunny Saturday in March. Happy Saint Patrick's Day, Happy Unniversary, and just think happy thoughts!

Day #8590 - Taking a Leap of Faith

Hey there, original blog of mine! Did you miss me? I know I've been incredibly neglectful as of late (and that's putting it lightly), so allow me to fill in some of the gaps as far as my writing adventures are concerned.

....
....
.... yeah....

It's been going that well. Or really, there's been that little time. I know, it's a poor excuse, but there it is. Between work, two grad school courses (one of which ends next week - hallelujah! My degree will be all done come May), and starting up my book review/ramblings blog last fall, I kept finding new reasons not to work on my own writing when I did manage to have a little time here and there.

In a word it comes down to one thing: fear.

Grappling with this manuscript of mine and all of my many hopes and dreams for it are the closest thing I know so far for what it must have been like when my parents sent me off to college. This story is my child, my baby, and I want nothing but good things for it. I've painstakingly worked it, given it to a few others I trust along the way to help me shape and mold it, and now it's time for me to find it a place where it can continue to thrive and become the best possible version of itself before going out officially into the world. I need to find an agent who loves it as much as I do and wants to see it succeed.

But then come the doubts. What if it's not ready? What if I'm not ready? What if I'm blinded by my love for it but it is actually a festering pile of crap that no one has had the courage to admit to my face because they know I've worked so long and tried so hard? These thoughts plague my mind as I work on query draft after query draft, trying to find the right words, but the thought that I should be focusing on is the one that always manages to get smaller and meeker: what if it's great?

To query and take that next step requires a tremendous leap of faith, not just in your story but in yourself. I'm not a glass half empty person, but I have accepted that there's a very real chance that I'll get nothing but rejections. It happens. In the meantime, I have started work on a new story in the last week that has been growing and growing in my mind and in the margins of my notebooks for quite a while now. And I also have my NaNoWriMo draft from last year that I could revisit if I so choose. There are plenty more stories to be told and to try my hand at; I just have to believe in myself and that things will work out in the way they are meant to.

So happy leap day, blog readers of mine. I hope your February 29th has been a memorable one and I can't wait to see what life is like the next time this mystical, wonderful date comes around again.

Day #8551 - In the Still of the Night

Being a life-long resident of the midwest, I have a complicated relationship with snow. Now I love winter. I love getting to wear layers and hats and scarves, it's hockey season, and it's the one time of year where people don't give me funny looks for being cold (unlike in the summer when I usually wear jeans until temperatures get above 75). Yet I must admit there are things about the snow that I'm less than in love with, mostly automobile related. Nothing says "fun" quite like having a long day at work and then having to scrape off my car and driving five miles per hour to get home, knowing full well I'll be doing the same thing the next morning.

However, at this time of night, I just like to forget that part. The wind and snowfall have stopped, and as I look out my window onto my street, it's bathed in the yellow glow of the streetlights and several inches of powder. The only sounds are my fingers hitting the keys - there aren't any snowblowers or plows out right now and the sky is a beautiful color that my eyes can't get enough of. It's as if the night sky is a deep blue silk and someone has laid a sheer gray tule over it. Regal is the word that comes to mind. The tree out front has looked so sad and barren since it lost its leaves a few months ago, but the branches now feel like they have a purpose again as they are gently covered in a white dusting, bright against the bark.

I like to remember moments like this when I think I hate winter because I couldn't hate this part if I tried.

It gets the creative juices flowing, that's for sure. Summer Novel continues to be a project I love and I've been having fun working with the characters and story in a post-first draft way. Slightly more exciting though is that I spent time this afternoon sketching out a new idea that's been slowly growing in my brain for the last few months. I find that every story I write has come to me in a slightly different fashion. With Summer Novel, the first thing I knew was the setting but it was years before I knew who was in it. With my NaNoWriMo story from last year, I built it around a character who I already knew wasn't the protagonist, but had a huge impact on the protagonist. And now with this one, I've known the characters for quite some time, bits and pieces of information about them have been accumulating in my brain inspired by many different things, but I'm still learning how these people's lives intersect and what their story is. But for the first time, I was able to get a rough sense of where they're taking me, and it's an exciting feeling.

And so, I remember another perk of being overwhelmed by snow on the weekends. No work means no having to scrape my car, which means more time for playing and writing. Keep warm and best wishes!