Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Day #8590 - Taking a Leap of Faith

Hey there, original blog of mine! Did you miss me? I know I've been incredibly neglectful as of late (and that's putting it lightly), so allow me to fill in some of the gaps as far as my writing adventures are concerned.

.... yeah....

It's been going that well. Or really, there's been that little time. I know, it's a poor excuse, but there it is. Between work, two grad school courses (one of which ends next week - hallelujah! My degree will be all done come May), and starting up my book review/ramblings blog last fall, I kept finding new reasons not to work on my own writing when I did manage to have a little time here and there.

In a word it comes down to one thing: fear.

Grappling with this manuscript of mine and all of my many hopes and dreams for it are the closest thing I know so far for what it must have been like when my parents sent me off to college. This story is my child, my baby, and I want nothing but good things for it. I've painstakingly worked it, given it to a few others I trust along the way to help me shape and mold it, and now it's time for me to find it a place where it can continue to thrive and become the best possible version of itself before going out officially into the world. I need to find an agent who loves it as much as I do and wants to see it succeed.

But then come the doubts. What if it's not ready? What if I'm not ready? What if I'm blinded by my love for it but it is actually a festering pile of crap that no one has had the courage to admit to my face because they know I've worked so long and tried so hard? These thoughts plague my mind as I work on query draft after query draft, trying to find the right words, but the thought that I should be focusing on is the one that always manages to get smaller and meeker: what if it's great?

To query and take that next step requires a tremendous leap of faith, not just in your story but in yourself. I'm not a glass half empty person, but I have accepted that there's a very real chance that I'll get nothing but rejections. It happens. In the meantime, I have started work on a new story in the last week that has been growing and growing in my mind and in the margins of my notebooks for quite a while now. And I also have my NaNoWriMo draft from last year that I could revisit if I so choose. There are plenty more stories to be told and to try my hand at; I just have to believe in myself and that things will work out in the way they are meant to.

So happy leap day, blog readers of mine. I hope your February 29th has been a memorable one and I can't wait to see what life is like the next time this mystical, wonderful date comes around again.