Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Day #9275 - Frozen

I know it's terribly to cliche to talk about the weather, but for once in a long while, it's actually quite worthy of the level of conversation it's been getting. A week ago, it was -20 F. Today it was 50 degrees warmer - a downright balmy 30 degrees.

Take a minute to let your brain wrap around that one and explode if absolutely necessary. It's weird. It just is.

Anyway, Chicagoland has been covered in snow for quite a while now and the windchills last week were borderline scary (at least for this part of the country). A good remedy for this? Seeing the movie Frozen and then listening to the soundtrack on repeat.

Seriously. Great life choice.

So frozen is an adequate word to describe my physical environment. It's also a pretty good choice for describing how I'm feeling about my current WIP. I've discovered a pattern that frightens me. Simply put, I have a tendency to hit 10,000 words on a project and then freeze. Even though I know where I plan on the story going, even though I adore my characters and know them inside-out, I still get stuck. 

I've been stuck on my current scene for the better part of a week because every time I sit down to the keyboard, the doubts come floating back in. About how despite all the queries I sent to agents for my first manuscript, I only got two or three requests for a partial or full and no offers of representation. What makes me think this story will be different? If no one wanted that story, who would want this one? Is it good enough? Or am I waisting my time? 

But then the earbuds go in to try and drown the doubts out. Because the truth is, 10,000 words isn't half bad. It's a something. And As for this story, I love it. It's the kind of story I would have loved to find on a bookshelf when I was 17. And sure, I'm still in the dreaded first draft and there's a very, very long way to go, but I need to keep reminding myself that there's a reason that of all the plot bunnies that were in my brain, I followed this one for a reason. I need to give myself the benefit of the doubt. And yes, it may very well be that I'm the only one who ever reads this story. But it's mine to tell. I have an obligation to myself. So I'm not technically an author, but I am a writer as long as I keep trying.

So here's to being frozen, and here's to the thaw.

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